Welcome to the world of Maude Garrett

Archive for August, 2009


People ask me how many times I’ve been slimed. I think it is more times than I can count.

Digntity Schmignity! It was all too much fun.

Thought for the Support

WHAT IS WITH THE SUPPORT BEING FAR BETTER THAN THE MAIN ACT?? This has happened the last two times I have seen a gig. The first, being Bertie Blackman, the second being Dappled Cities.

Don’t get me wrong – I really like these acts. I wouldn’t have bought the ticket if I didn’t want to see them. But it just so happened that their support acts outshone them big time.

Who are these support acts?

Supporting Bertie Blackman at the Gaelic was Hungry Kids of Hungry.
Their music is just so god damn catchy! Think the Shins on happy pills mixed in with those boppy Beatles songs that make you incessantly tap your feet. The singer/guitarist can really bloody sing. And the keyboardist/singer could not only harmonise perfectly, but was so happy and into it that you wondered what he’d be like fathering your children. After the first 2 songs I found myself wandering over to the merch table to buy their EP. Which I did. Even though it was $10 for 4 songs. That’s $2.50 a song. That’s more expensive than iTunes. Which I figured out on the way home when the effects of their live performance wore off.
Before leaving I caught the guys watching Bertie from the back of the hall. They signed the EP I bought – so now it is priceless. I recommend listening to “Scattered Diamonds” which you can find on their myspace –

I thought that the support being better than the main was a rare thing. Didn’t think it would happen again. Fast forward two weeks to the Dappled Cities gig at the Metro. I got there pretty early because I’d heard pretty good things about the support.
Who killed it this time? Their name – Philadelphia Grand Jury. I’d heard that they played at the Beach Rd a few weeks before and someone stole their guitar. VJ on Triple J put the word out for the person to return it. I really felt bad for these guys. I hope they got it back.
But back to their gig – these guys just KNOW how to perform. They are so entertaining. Their songs are up-beat, clever and way too hot to handle. Instead of milling at the bar, every punter stood front and centre to watch these guys. The bassist MC Bad Genius is exactly that – a freaking genius. His on-stage antics are frighteningly amusing. He’ll stare at a member of the audience for minutes at a time for no particular reason. Not any kind of stare – a petrifying, evil injecting stare. He plays anything that is thrown at him – bass, keyboard, guitar. His dance moves are the moves of a champion. I couldn’t copy them even if he taught me himself. The drummer (Dan W Sweat) is Gods gift to the women of the world. I am so helplessly in love with him. His drumming is off the chart. He bops his head like a bobble headed dog on the dashboard of your car – but in time to every beat he plays. He looks so happy doing it, like this is what he was born to do. And he’s an absolute babe. There was one point during a song where they stopped playing, making the crowd believe the song was over. Except something wasn’t right. Every member of the Philly jays were frozen. Hands midway in the air. Heads tilted on the side. Statuesque from the very last note they played. This lasted a little while – the crowd finally catching on that something was up. Turns out they had not finished the song, it was just an overextended pause with hilarity attached. Sigh. The best part about watching these guys is that you can instantly tell that it isn’t a chore for them to play, it’s an honour. They have so many quirky jokes but they aren’t inside jokes, they involve the audience every time. You just have to be quick or smart enough to catch it. These guys could willingly steal my soul. Please check out their stuff so you can say you were into them before they made it big. I recommend ‘I’m going to kill you’. You would have heard it on Triple J – they’re flogging it. myspace.com/philadelphiagrandjury
But you can call them the Philly Jays.
And the drummer can call me whenever he wants.



Riddle me this!

Arkham Asylum.

You may have seen/read/heard of it as the psychiatric hospital in Gotham City. It houses the criminally insane villains such as the Joker, the Riddler, Bane, Poison Ivy, and if you read the comics instead of watching 90’s movies, then Two Face is also there.
Scarecrow uses his infamous fear gas on his criminal clients to make them criminally insane. Escapes happen more times than Gotham City care to discuss.

Basically its the nut house you never want to be near. So what better game for Rocksteady Studios to release than Batman: Arkham Asylum for PS3, Xbox 360 and PC? Instead of being based around the movies, this one is based around the DC comics.

How freaky is the Joker? Makes me never want to laugh again.

Can’t wait to play this one.

La la laaa la la

Oh yep. Boy was this a good show.
Good work MTV for nailing what was going through every adolescents head at the time.
If it wasn’t the annoying sibling who couldn’t be any more different to you, it was the parents who would never understand you. It showed that best friends knew exactly what you were thinking without saying anything. It proved teachers lost it to the extent that eye balls would pop out of their heads. It portrayed multiculturalism. It milked cliches. It made you never want to be a cheerleader, or popular. It showed the other side. The real side.

Thanks Daria.

pleased to meat you

Recently, many people are making changes to their diets for many different reasons. I’ve just cut out gluten after trying a diet without it and noticing plenty of positive differences. But many people are going vegetarian or vegan, for different reasons all together.

I’m not taking a dig. At 12 years of age I became a vegetarian, simply because I did not enjoy the taste of most meats. To this day the thought of eating (even smelling) any type of pig or seafood disgusts me. So as a growing kid, I asked Mum to cut it out of my diet. She was supportive of this (she still blames the movie ‘Babe’ for my decision even though it has nothing to do with it – i mean how many fish were harmed in that movie?) but told me I had to substitute the meats for other foods that would provide the same nutrients. This is how well vegetarianism went for me: see you later red meat – hello lentils and mushrooms. Uh oh – I hate mushrooms. How many freaking types of beans are there? Mum why can’t you make them taste any good? I’m now anemic?! Geez. May as well eat meat again.

Now I slip in and out of eating meat. I guess I’m a three-quarter-arian because I only eat a few meat products. Hello lasagna. But I don’t need or want it a lot of the time. It turns out beans freaking rock, its just my Mum was a shit house cook (seriously, ask her).
So that’s my story. But what about the others?

The people that are vegetarian – nay – vegan for the greater good of animal welfare and existence? Power to them. There should be more. We should treat imported and exported livestock far better than we are. Caged hens make me sick, and good on Woolworths for phasing out caged hen eggs. I believe animals should live prosperous lives like we have, and it sucks that many are born to be food.
My issue is how can you not eat meat – or consume any animal by-product even – for all those reasons, yet wear leather boots, jackets or bags?

says the vegan:
“Oh I would NEVER drain the cows udder and drink its milk – but kill it and I’ll wear it, sure.”

Its hard to go from gorging on all the ‘meaty goodness’ to stripping it out of your life like that. Its hard to develop new beliefs at an age where you’ve lived your life through other beliefs.

But please, vego’s and vegans. If you really care about these animals – don’t wear them. Eating them is at least providing nutrients. Wearing them is purely vanity, luxury or both.

Or other advice – don’t tell anyone about the decisions you’ve made about your diet. You’re doing it for and no one else after all. As soon as you say “I’m no longer eating meat – I’m 100% vego now peeps!” I guarantee there’s someone out there waiting to catch you out. If you’re a vegan and claiming it, I’m more than sure everyone is punishing by eating copious amounts of cheese, tasty ice cream and delicious chocolate. And if you, for one weak moment, decide to indulge? Havoc! They’ll chastise you. You’ll feel guilty. Helping out animals isn’t so fun after all.
BUT if you can commit to it 100% (food AND clothing) and ignore the pleas/jokes/sarcasm/tempts of your friends – then go for it with strength behind you. Conquer what you do, and shift or shape peoples view on it! We need people like you to raise awareness about the poor treatment of animals. We need someone to take a stand. To practice what they preach. If you do this, I’m very proud of you and envious of your discipline. Here’s to making the world better for us, and the animals.

Check out meat.org to find out more about the poor treatment of animals.


When Maude takes over Mary Tyler Moore.

Life as a cartoon


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